by Reverend Pressley Sutherland

The Apostle Paul once wrote that he had a ‘mysterious’ thorn in his side that he struggled with inside himself. I think this is one of those places where many people can identify with Paul, and most of us think we are the only ones struggling with our particular thorn. Because of our individual circumstances, we believe that others do not go through what we go through. We keep the ‘thorn’ deep inside convinced that no one else will understand.

In my journey, I have gone from thinking that being gay was my thorn, through thinking that homophobia around me was my thorn, to realising that my thorn was something altogether different. In general, I can say that my sexual/relational identity as a gay man is something that I learned to value deeply along the Way. And homophobic reactions in others continues to be a problem around us. But homoprejudice would not have the power to affect me if I did not have a particular thorn in my side---the thorn of needing others’ approval. This is the prick of the thorn, the sting that comes from not living up to others’ expectations. It is as simple and as sharp as that—I let other people wound me every time I base my complete self-esteem on their opinions and the words others say about me and my sexual/relational orientation.

Jesus has some strong words for us around letting other people’s opinions take away the joy of living the life we have been given in Him. He was very clear that if you live a life of truth, integrity and follow His Way of Love, people will judge you harshly at times and criticise you—especially when your life asks them to re-examine their own attitudes, values, conditional love, and Law-over-Grace religiosity. It is important to heal ourselves through the Love of Christ to the point where our need for approval does not lead us to barter away our future and deny our present and past just for the temporary fix of approval. With patient work with the Spirit within, we can slowly overcome this thorn, asking God to continually help us to realise when our thoughts are guided by approval seeking from others instead of springing from the confidence that we have already been known and approved by the Author of Diversity, a Saviour who came for anyone who believes, and a Spirit that confirms God’s presence in our lives daily, inviting us to shine in the way God has given us as testimony to the breadth, depth, height and lengths of God’s Love Among Us.

Christ’s purpose for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer people is so much greater than seeking approval. To each of us, He says, “Come along on a spectacular journey of Grace.” Rejoice, because our sexual/relational identities by their nature force us to be freed of legalism, which becomes a stumbling block to knowing the real heart of God as Jesus revealed time and again. Instead, our spiritual path with Christ can be one of passion not perfectionism, healing rather than harming, ever changing rather than frozen, and grounded in grace rather than held hostage by the need for approval.